Topic of the week: Why are men so easy to take flight? and What to do about it
You and your guy have been smooth sailing and then all of a sudden -you hit a snag. Out of no where he goes MIA. Looking back at the time you guys spent together, you can't quite figure out why he would perform a disappearing act. It's been weeks and he hasn't called you back. You're checking your phone every 5 minutes to see if his name appears on the caller i.d.? You're even on his twitter or facebook constantly to see if he's updated a new status? Well, hunny let's face it.
1) He may be playing hard to get
2) He may be talking to someone else
3) He's busy with his own life
4) He doesn't want to get attached, or vice versa
5) He's got what he wanted out of you
6) He's just not that interested
But the truth is, the possibilities are ENDLESS. Instead of waiting for a ring from some guy that may be too busy to even think of you, why not cut straight to the facts. It doesn't matter if you've already slept with him, or you've wasted so much time and energy on this guy... because you can't change the past happenings. The only thing you have the ability to change is how you will handle the situation. And you better handle it with grace and poise.
First of all,
1) STOP waiting for his call or text, and don't you dare think about calling or texting him. If he wants to talk to you he'll FIND a way to talk to you. Men can smell desperation and neediness a mile away, and you clinging to your cell phone or his facebook page DOES NOT help. If he is playing hard to get, then he needs a reality check; this isn't middle school anymore where it's cute for girls to chase guys. With that time, INVEST IN YOURSELF: your career, your family, your friends, and your passionate pursuits. Don't wallow away your energy into self-pity.
2)So...he's found another woman. WHO CARES. Surely its definitely going to sting for a little bit, but if he is that quick to jump from woman to woman, then thank god that you've found out sooner than later that he's just another lowly boy who doesn't know what he HAD. Don't you dare second-guess your beauty, your personality, but most importantly don't you dare LOWER your own self-esteem. Maybe he found a woman with long legs, and the face of Adriana Lima... But you are UNIQUE, one of a kind, and you are a CATCH. She may be beautiful, but she may not have any depth, or she may not know how to carry on an articulate conversation like YOU. Soooo girll, don't even sweat it.
3)Men are BUSY with their own life and they may have lost track of time, and sometimes that means losing track of you. It may have been a week for him, but to you its felt like ages. Don't assume that he is cheating on you or that you have done something wrong for him to drift away. He may have been swamped with work, or personal problems within his own family and friends. Believe it or not, women are pretty lucky when it comes to expressing our problems or venting out our stress; we have a great range of girlfriends, siblings, mothers, and other outlets to be part of our support system. MEN DONT; they don't want to be deemed as overly sensitive, or whiny. If he's busy, just give him some space to pull his life together.
4) He may have heard the word commitment, relationship or settling down from you... and he takes flight. They say that women are complicated creatures, but on the contrary men are AFRAID. He may rationalize his unsettling actions as reasons for keeping his independence, but if he refers to you as an anchor, who is HOLDING HIM DOWN from what he wants to do, then get outtaaaa here. He's not worth it for you to consider him as a potential. It takes a lot out of a woman, to bring the subject of settling down to the man she is currently dating, because it means that she wants to share something more intimate, stable, and deep... but usually the feeling isn't always consensual. Just brush it off your shoulder because there are hundreds of handsome suitors waiting to put a "rock" on you, so why waste your time on this one?
5)TRY NOT to give your goodies away too quickly Trust me, I know by experience. All this SEX SEX and more SEX is plastered on the radio, t.v., and magazines where-ever you go. That can make it VERY difficult for a woman not to lustt. It is natural for us to fein for a man's touch and a man's powerful thrust of passion. BUT, that is not how men see sex. Once you have given him entrance to your body, so quickly or rashly... then he will no longer respect you and he will seek your easiness to please him and work it to his advantage. Sex is intimate and although women are fighting for the same respect as men to sleep with whoever we please, we are still wired to feeel. Always, remember that your body is a TEMPLE, whoever enters it, better be damnnn worthy!
6) This one might be the hardest part to swallow, but he's just not that into you. Although you may see him as your Prince Charming, or your Trey Songz, he might see you as quite the opposite; that doesn't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with youuu. You two might just be COMPLETELY incompatible: he may like to go out a lot, while you like to spend your nights in, he may be trying to further his academic life in college and you may be trying to get that much needed promotion at work.
*I've seen this happen to many freshly snatched couples, they tend to get burnt out, or just plain sick of each other. If you CONSTANTLY text/call them or see them on a daily basis, both of you will lose value in the time you guys spend together. I'm not trying to say that you should regulate your relationship into a schedule, but limit yourself to only seeing your guy no more than once or twice a week. It builds anticipation and it makes the dates you spend with him so much more meaningful and pleasing... to both parties.
There is no set or clear solution for the complications of one's love life because each is different. One advice that you should follow is : DON'T FORCE IT, don't try and force commitment, stability, or even love into someone who is not ready to experience those things. Let everything flowww at its own pace...because if you two were meant to be, then it will happen on its own. Trust me, you will feel a lot more at ease...
Kimly Le Nguyen
Writing is my own expressive outlet and I hope that you appreciate or take some of this advice into consideration. I try to be unbiased since I wrote this in the heat of the moment;I suppose this piece I wrote has much to do with what I am going through in my love life at the moment.